What people get wrong about love (& life)

Happy Sunday! 👋 

In the beginning, it’s magic.

You meet someone and everything feels new.

You talk for hours about everything and nothing. You laugh like teenagers.

The connection feels endless. Electric. Meant to be.

But then… time passes.

The excitement fades. The spark doesn’t hit the same way.

You start arguing about dishes or forgetting to say “good morning.”

You get used to each other. The mystery is gone.

The silence between you starts to grow.

And maybe someone new shows up.

They seem to say all the right things.

They make you feel interesting again.

They remind you of who you used to be—before the weight, the routine, the responsibilities.

And suddenly… your partner feels like a distant memory.

But here’s the thing:

You once looked at them the same way.

That spark you feel with someone new? That used to live in your current relationship, too.

It’s just buried now—under laundry, work stress, unspoken resentment, and years of not quite saying what you really feel.

We live in a time where people are quick to leave.

If it’s not exciting anymore, we move on.

We tell ourselves we’ve outgrown the relationship.

But the truth is—sometimes we’ve just stopped watering it.

We forget that love changes shape.

It’s not supposed to stay in the honeymoon phase forever.

Real love isn’t constant butterflies—it’s choosing each other, even when it’s hard.

Even when it’s boring.

Even when it’s easier not to.

We’re addicted to beginnings. 

But love isn’t something you find. It’s something you build.

What I’ve learned (so far) about love that lasts:

1. No one can read your mind. You have to say what you feel. Even if it’s messy. Especially if it’s hard. We all come with pasts—traumas, beliefs, wounds—and we see the world through those filters. You can’t expect someone to understand your silence. You have to let them in.

2. Self-awareness changes everything. I used to react fast—say something sharp, or shut down completely. But over time, I learned to pause, apologize, and explain what’s really behind it. “I’m not reacting to you, I’m reacting to an old story. And I’m working on unlearning it.”

3. Your past will show up. For me, it was the fear that people would always leave. That I wasn’t really safe. That I had to be perfect or else I’d be abandoned. And those thoughts created distance—until I named them. Until I took responsibility for healing them, instead of making my partner responsible for fixing them.

4. You can want both freedom and connection. Even in love. Especially in love. When you spend so much time together, it’s easy to lose track of where you end and the other begins. You start making decisions out of habit instead of desire. That’s why it’s important to have your own time. Your own people. To miss each other. The healthiest relationships give space without creating distance.

5. Keep dating each other. Not just dinner on the couch. I mean actual dates. Even if it’s once a month. Go somewhere new. Ask deeper questions. Talk about life. Your values. Your future. Re-meet each other as you are now.

6. Build a shared vision. Don’t just survive the day-to-day. Dream together. What kind of life do we want? Who are we becoming? Direction builds unity.

7. Let play back in. We’ve started using card decks made for couples—like the ones from The School of Life. You’d be surprised how much you still don’t know about each other, even after years. 

8. The same problem will follow you into the next relationship. Unless you face it now. The triggers, the fears—they don’t disappear. Real growth happens when you stay and work through them, not when you run.

9. Love isn’t something you fall into—it’s something you practice. You won’t always feel in love. But you can always choose to act with love.

10. Your partner isn’t supposed to complete you—they’re supposed to meet you. You’re still responsible for your own healing, your own growth, your own joy. No one can give you what you haven’t first started giving yourself. 

11. You’ll outgrow versions of each other. That’s okay. Love means meeting each other again and again through every phase of becoming.

12. Resentment grows in silence. What you don’t express turns into distance. It’s not about avoiding conflict—it’s about learning to have it well. 

13. Gratitude changes the lens. The more you focus on what’s missing, the more you feel it. But the more you notice what’s good—small things, simple gestures—the more love grows.

And maybe this isn’t just about love.

Maybe it’s about life.

Because in a world that tells you to keep chasing—new partners, new jobs, new versions of yourself—sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is stay.

Stay with what matters.

Stay long enough for roots to grow.

💌 P.S. I’ve been with my partner for five years now, and we’ve known each other for ten. People sometimes say our relationship looks perfect.

But the truth is, it’s taken a lot of showing up, growing through hard things, and learning how to keep choosing each other.

Life moves fast. Everyone’s chasing the next thing. But my intention with this letter is simple: To remind you that meaningful things take time.

Love. Trust. Growth. All of it.

Don’t rush the good things. Stay with them. Build them.